Our greatest fear is change

Dorothy, the ultimate warrior.  Imagine waking up in a different place, no idea of your past, only in your memories, triggered by sights, sounds and smells.  There are many moments when a flash goes and I am suddenly confronted with the fact that I am staring down the barrel of 40, shotgun, a mother, with 2 children, no Masters degree and a less than ideal way to earn way less than necessary money. A reality completely bewildering and so far removed from my wildest, sickest nightmares.  Even more scary is after each battle, finding yourself blood drenched in the middle of a lake on a boat…trying to decide  which way to go after all the wrong turns I’ve made in my life.

Lately I have been bleeding, and as the days go by, I bleed a little more.  I have been fighting many battles recently, almost battle after battle and when I am not fighting, I am maintaining a happy home with happy kids.  Ever so often, memories invade my consciousness and then the bloodletting begins.  My most recent battle began with my finding out I was pregnant at 4 months, history of polycsystic ovarian cysts (PCOS), no periods, birth control, lower level new job with a pay cut (had a goal – remind me to follow up with a blog), pre-eclampsia, hypertension and now thrombocytopenia.  The next 6 months of my life would ensue as total chaos, after just finally surviving my daughter’s father.  Nurses short of calling me careless as I almost died with delivering my daughter 4 years ago. My brave mother, immediately deciding to stand by me…even though I could see that she was not breathing, and knowing that she feared for my life this time.  My boss, a mother of 4 herself, unbothered by my situation, lacking compassion or perhaps understanding of the reality I now faced and rather she now faced.  School runs, breakfast, lunch, making no space for my new physical, emotional or mental burden.  Doctors taking care of me, chiding me to take care of myself, ignoring the fact that I had so much to do and be, that laying on a hospital bed once, for 7 days could not happen…and certainly not happen again.  I had reports to submit, my daughter’s hair needed to be combed and I had to be the one to do them…as a fact, the less I was able to do them was the worse my life would be.  Where smoking was no longer an option…for me.  A crazy spin, my head constantly reeling.  I researched my condition, so much I knew all the technical terms, and conversations with the doctors at Victoria Jubilee became more like consultant conversations in between multiple Betamethasone injections and that one to prevent fitting that burns like hot coal!  The curtain drop, where it got real, after days before being told that my chances of not making it out of my surgery were high and real, to finding out that the platets requested for my transfusion to hopefully increase my count, were no longer viable, as a result of being left to thaw for too long.  There is something eerily diabolical about that bright light in an operating theatre, I lay there in disbelief attempting to deliver my final diposition on why we should then postpone the surgery in light of questionable viability of a transfusion and the possibility of indeed not waking up due to hemorrhaging. My pleas went unanswered, the last thing I remembered was crying for my daughter, saying how much I loved her.  There was nothing more for me to do but cry.  This battle was over.

The test of a warrior is not in what he wins, but rather how he wins.  In heated battle, we earn scars, some people will stop, mid-fight, so bruised by the scars that they cannot continue the fight, but real warriors care zero about their wounds, they are only focused on winning, on surviving, and only after the battle has been won, will they realize that there is blood, a wound, pain.

No one is immune to tribulations, we all have personal demons praying to god they don’t make it public.  When was the last time you took time to feel your wounds, warrior?

Facing our fears  – What isn’t named, cannot be confronted.  

We would all love for things to remain the same one way…forever.  Change is not anyone’s cup of tea, our comfort zone is sameness, that thing we have gotten used to. We all fear change, it brings so much uncertainty, no one can predict what will happen, not one of those spiritual/religious proponents or tools can predict a single thing, their one and only purpose being for comfort and community.

The fact is our greatest fear, change, happens everyday…and is the underbelly of life…change…evolving…moving.  The earlier we accept this fact…and develop a strategy to keep moving too is the better for us.

I have always been honest to a fault, regardless of how unpopular or even how dangerous the truth was, I had always been one to fearlessly stand, nonetheless, much to the trepidation of my mother, who conversely, created things to be afraid of, valuing security over happiness.

In my new space as mother, I struggle with my perspectives on risk and security, have different needs and suffer under the realisation that I may not be able to be as brutally honest as I am accustomed to…a new yellow brick avenue.

How have you changed after having your children?

‘The test of a warrior is not in what he wins, but rather how he wins. ‘ – Stacy-ann Jarrett

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Marijuana and the lesson of legacy

My drive to work this morning was as usual, quite enlightening.  If there is one thing I appreciate about myself, its my capacity for intellectual creativity.  I am never bored, I enjoy picking the most random thing, committing to learning it and creating a magical story behind it.  I have always thought that perhaps it was my penchant for a good story that leads me to such exotic life experiences.  I have also thought that maybe, just maybe my experiences are not really all that exotic, but my narration of them is what creates the magic.

So this morning as I drove to work, I felt for a conscious vibe, and Damian Marley’s song ‘Medication’ became my focus.  In Medication, Damion unpacks so much, it blew my mind.  The truth that marijuana proponents have known for years, is that marijuana is a powerful herb that has been used in multiple healing and meditative practices for years, by Africans and our island’s inhabitants, the Taino Indians.  The social stigma created behind its use and association with Rastafari and combative relationship with capitalist ideals et al, could still not purge the power of marijuana.  In the face of international funding to eradicate it from our land, underground economy, medicinal use and souls, in spite of the many young youth that have had jail time, state, church and social abuse for its use, marijuana has been resilient.

Today 2019, I have lived to see these same entities so bent on criminalizing its use, and destroying it to now be considering it as the next great wealth creator.  The cannabis industry is now considered a multi-billion dollar component of the larger pharmaceutical industry,  in less than 5 years, what was once illegal and criminal, is now legal in many spaces.

Consider the many people who have suffered as a result of laws criminalizing marijuana, understand that this current repeal and loving up of marijuana, may have simply been a game of strategy.  The wealthy understand the value of having a goal, and a plan, always being grounded in your decision and the art of waiting, instant gratification is a white bitch, much like cocaine (see Medication by Bob Marley), it doesn’t grow you, it kills you.  The kill for the marijuana industry required a strategic approach to avoid any other but the one, the time to research, plan and prepare in order to release and dominate it.  Well Done.  The wealth of marijuana industry…like the sugar and other similar industries, was not for instant gratification, it is creating wealth for eras and generations.

Personally I have no intention of siding with fools, I have personally been a fool enough times.  Those who have ears and sense will know.  The others haffi guh swim or sink.

Funny thing is I understand this addiction to the white bitch (as referenced by Damion Marley’s song ‘Medication’).  Our DNA was interrupted, ruptured from our mother land and family without consent and forcefully, we have lost our connection with our roots and reality.  It is a challenge for us to think generations and long term, as our soul remembers.  If we continue to deny our roots, our inception, our African history, traditions and culture, while supporting, defending and ascribing to our colonizers beliefs and systems we will forever be cut off from our legacy, and unable to think in terms of generations and long-term.

Every black person should travel back home, place their feet on the land and connect with its energy.  My first trip to Kenya is what changed me, when the faces I saw looked like the faces rushing through downtown Kingston.  The markets, looking much like coronation, I felt that connection.  Home. Parts of my DNA fused back.  I felt stronger and more committed to finding out more about Africa.

Zyon’s father and I decided to host a traditional Akan naming ceremony for our son.  It was beautiful and empowering.  I am grateful for the existence of Sankofa which has become such a peaceful, soul-enriching space for me.  (let me know if you would like to know more about Sankofa)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Social Responsibility and Corporate Do-gooding

I have never personally met anyone who wasn’t positively impacted by the act of giving.  Jamaicans are traditionally kind and giving.  Not long ago, you would never be able to visit someone’s house without getting something and leaving with other things.  For me, hearing someone say thank you or seeing a smile because of me was always important to me.  I had great dreams of changing the world one person at a time, creating ripple effects of giving that would inspire more givers.

Wealth Magazine’s Corporate Mingle held Friday, February 28th at the Jamaica Pegasus Hotel was centered around giving, building brands that are socially responsible, with Grace Kennedy being represented as a Jamaican company that was giving back long before it became the latest marketing trend.  Tanketa Chance-Wilson, General Manager of Grace & Staff Foundation, was able to give a lot of the history and rationale behind Grace’s involvement and model of community building.  On the issue of support, Tanketa explained that the foundation was initiated by employees, who expressed concern about the situations being faced by members of the communities surrounding their workplace.  To this, it was agreed that the staff would contribute a portion of their pay to the initiative, which would be matched by the company.  This model, Tanketa explains, is still the one that governs Grace & Staff Foundation.  The other presenters, namely Danielle Terrelonge of DRT Communicaitons, spoke about the value of brands who support a cause.  She inquired of the audience quite a number of times, whether or not they would be willing to state that they support LGBTQI rights, regardless of the backlash.  She advised brands to prepare for the backlash that will come when they stand for a cause, siting a few examples, interesting examples.  Danielle shared some interesting statistics regarding brand affinity and its association with causes, indicating that consumers were more likely to support an entity that respected a cause that was aligned with their own.  Yanique Page, serial entrepreneur spoke of the importance of doing good, and using that to earn.  She also quoted some very interesting facts on unemployment rates in Jamaica, although acknowledging that it was the lowest it has been in 10 years, but invited us to dig deeper into statistics, by demonstrating how alarming the double-digit unemployment rate was among young people.

The fabulous host, Empress Golding, another community do-good activist was part of the very well thought out powerful corporate mingle event.  Empress Golding, social entrepreneur, shared her experiences in the field, the successes from her efforts, from an expensive baseline study among youth to determine political apathy, and 1 day workshops creating political activists capable to advocating on constitutional and other issues with their political representatives.  Powerful work. All the women involved were amazing women doing amazing and timely work, there empowering the persons attending to continue to do good.  Danielle, admonished that patrons of the mingle to give back, a lunch money to help out someone, and extra meal, money to windshield wipers.  Yanique recounted the inspiring story of the woman who sells trinkets made by innercity youth in her country, who she trains to make the trinkets, and purchases everything made by them.  Both Danielle and Yanique were able to sing Tanketa’s chorus about the goodness of Grace with a member of the audience sharing that as recipients of a Grace scholarship, her and her brother were able to turn their lives around dramatically.

Empress’ experience spoke out when she asked how is Grace’s efforts measured.  In the development world, funding for activities can be a crippling and constricting issue, being able to demonstrate results and measure efforts is always important.  Yaneek recommended that you start where ever you are and build from there, committing to improving each time.  I got the impression that Danielle wasn’t too concerned about reporting…but more so just doing it…something anything.

I mentioned at first that I have considerable years experience in development and thankfully at all levels, government, donor and implementing agency, writing funding proposals, providing training to capacity strapped implementing agencies to ‘build their capacity’ to report and implement. I have experienced the struggles of no funding to support programmes, and finding the hopscotch of securing funding an extreme sport set in navigating what issues are priority to donor A vs Donor B.  Getting staff to understand the crucial importance of documentation and deliverables, and trying to explain to your target audience…now your ‘responsibility’ who see hope in you…that you have no funding to support that line item.

Here are a few things I learnt in/from development work:

  1. Try to aim for sustainable acts that will produce solid results that can be replicated.  If your interest is really as altruistic as you believe, why not support initiatives that will have longstanding impact with the potential to grow exponentially. There is always power in unity, one arrow aimed at the enemy will never be as powerful as many arrows bound together toward by a common purpose…shoot to kill.
  2. Self-care is not to be ignored, know when to detach and do not take it home with you.  If you cannot separate your personal life from your work of helping people, you should probably should choose a less intimate way of giving back.
  3. Everything is not what it seems, everyone is not as do-gooding as they pretend.  There is a new unregulated secret economy – the philantropic economy, complete with its systems and its experienced players.

 

So you want to give back and not sure what exactly to do?  Here are a few tips:

  1. Identify the cause that you are passionate about, something that you absolutely would love to see changed, usually it is the thing that gets you most angry.  Yes, that thing…that is it.
  2. Research your peeve, find out who are the players in it, locally, regionally and internationally, what are the issues they are dealing with?
  3. Choose one organisation, research them, find out how you may best be able to support them, become  stakeholder.
  4. Audit you own resources, time, skills, money and see what you can commit to doing that will support a long-term measurable impact.  There are always ways to improve on anything and everything, but target your efforts for real sustained impact…be the change you want to see.

My first corporate mingle was really great, I was able to see a few people I haven’t seen in a while, I learnt a few things, met people with sparkle in their eyes, and fire beneath their dreams.

See you at the next one.

 

 

 

 

Not because you are a dumb bitch, means you have to be a dumb bitch.

Lets be real. Lets be clear.  There are many different colours in the crayon box, some are beautiful and bright and stand out.  Some are able to blend with anything…they are normal…no threat and some are down right ugly and ill-fitted, salt…can’t work and that’s just the fact.

Some women are docile and agreeable.  Some women are warriors.  Some women are good and a little bad and normal.  Some women are dependent, some are independent and aggressive, while some will banter between the two, being just enough.

There was once a story about a young lady who unbeknownst to anyone on earth, was able to acquire a job she was neither qualified for, or capable of.  This led to a record 19 disciplinary infractions which were documented.  Using a common HR policy, 19 documented infractions really mean approximately 57 issues, 2/3rd’s of which would have just been warnings, all this less than 24 months…brilliant.  The proverbial crap hit the fan when her ‘job’ was placed under the spotlight.  In the end she gets the bag.  A huge mutli-million dollar settlement.  Interestingly, it was subsequently revealed that her predecessor was terminated three years prior and is still in negotiation about a settlement.  One is a dumb braud, yes, and the other IS a dumb braud.

This post isn’t about the morality of any situation or even the fact that the pipes on Constant Spring Road need to be repaired.  This post is about brauds who make a decision and are not to be deterred in their ‘goal’ whatever it is.  I am talking about winning brauds.

A women, the quicker we learn that we are on our own is the better able we are to focus and move forward.  Men only want your vagina, evidenced from the almost eerie and visible way the clock seems to tick audibly as you approach puberty as a young girl, as with it comes a menstrual cycle and the ability to destroy your whole life. A delicate hot coal situation we must be precariously on the edge of monthly.  Boys get to walk around with swinging sacks while girls are admonished for siting with their legs open.

There are women who know what they want and honour their desires, and then there are those who carry on as if they traded in their desires for being female, mother, wife, child.

In my story above, one woman (team a), has the bag but no comments, while the other (team B) is all over screaming ‘why me?.  If you wouldn’t rather being on the Team A, then you are retarded.  Truth is, everything thing we are, do and be is a decision, be it a hard one that requires serious grit and sacrifice, one that took no effort really…because we are afraid of upsetting the status quo or one that’s just cool and chill with everything.

The middle ground has an ugly colour…no one likes or will ever like it, even the Christian bibke.

 

A Fuck Sublime

Is anyone else fiending for a fuck divine….

the kind that pounds the hell out of you…. with positivity

Forever pulsating….with excitement

with immense joy found at the tip, in your deepest point…

Your heart healthy and accelerated…

leaving you spilling your your insides, your greatness, the blessing that IS you… like sweat or a satisfying shower of rain.

And ohhhh you are so good!

A fuck sublime with certainly blow your mind…where connecting gives the thrills, the way the breeze caress and sing to the trees, the way earth rides up on the seas.

The way alchemy is life altering.

The thrill of living, without a thought of dying.

That meal you’ve been craving or that call for which you have been secretly praying.

A fuck sublime…is always available in MY mind.

 

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

As the famous valentine’s day comes to a close, amid all this rain I can bet many people are feeling some type of way, and not the way they want to be feeling.

For some reason one of my favourite songs, ‘Why don’t you love me’ by Beyonce, was calling me, one of my favourite complex videos I enjoy watching.  Complex because there are so many themes running through it, deep ones, controversial ones and each time I watch it another perspective is thrown at me.  In the video, the beautiful Beyonce is home-maker, cook, gardener, laundromat, mechanic and everything in between, while being trendy, beautiful, sexy with a hot figure, smart with her own money…the perfect woman….and yet still her dilemma is, ‘why don’t you love me’.  Each time I watch the video I laugh.  I find it so funny that today and it seems throughout the history presented to us, many women…maybe not as perfect as the one being portrayed, I assume for shock value, bend back way, cry themselves to sleep at nights, trying to figure out…’why don’t you love me’.  I am not preaching from the soapbox, as I myself, have had that same feeling, it seems maybe all the time.  That question has haunted me, caused me sleepless nights but very private tears.  Even when common sense would have me be sure that I am perfect…it still haunted me.

In the video, Beyonce is seen to be going all out, I assume, making herself so damn easy to need and I wondered how many of those things she was actually enjoying or rather just doing…as part of the quest to be ‘so damn easy to need’.

Love, I bet like all other noble institutions with their varied prescribed standards and presentations, is misunderstood and misstated.  The funny thing about it is that quite a number of stellar stewards have been belting the message of real love for ages, when we hear it, we reminisce, but I don’t think many of us really get the message.  ‘The greatest love of all’, made magic by the great Whitney Houston, whose decision to ‘never walk in anyone’s shoes’, led her to publicly crave her love, Bobby in spite of the many critics.

‘Love yourself’, is one of those phrases I have always despised, I just never understood what it means…similarly to ‘be careful’, the later I despise 2million times, what exactly does it mean to be careful, are you saying I should be psychotically analysing every single minute detail to find that thing I should be careful of, why don’t you just plain tell me what I need to do so I can decide.  I feel like ‘being careful’ is tantamount to living in a constant state of anxiety…no sorry, not living…more like existing, as living can no way exist in anxiety. Living in anxiety will lead to depression and insanity…keep your be careful if you cannot tell me what to be careful of.  For me, that statement usually comes from manipulators who want to mess with your brain…and those I kill a zillion times.

Saying love yourself has a similar sentiment to me.  What exactly does loving myself mean or look like.  Do I tell myself I am beautiful, send me flowers, give me a massages and tantalise me with surprises.  Do I put me first all the time, even when the kids need breakfast and my mom wants to talk about her day, while my friend is quarreling that I make no time to see her.  What exactly does, love yourself feel like.  Is it not putting myself through situations that hurt, when we all know pain is temporary and not even consistent…psssh and what hurt now will feel much better next week.  How are people to love themselves, what the heck does that mean? Or is it another ‘get out of jail card’ that master manipulators apply when they reach the spot where we should take responsibility for making stupid decisions for ‘love’.  Like Whitney for example…and her poisonous love with a Bobby who simply didn’t seem to love her back.  Do we then blame Whitney for loving Bobby so purely, using the card that she should ‘love herself enough’, or do we say Bobby ain’t shit for knowing how much she loved him and still put her through all of that?

When we love, do we really have control, do we really have a say?  What of the other person, the subject of our love…do we hold them responsible at all?

Truth is we do need to love ourselves.  Whilst for years I never understood the statement, I get it now.  Loving yourself is indeed the greatest love of all.  Whitney’s message finally dawned on me.  Concepts are hard to define by themselves, as everything exists in relation to everything else.  Love is related to joy, to peace, to fulfillment and completeness  et al.  The process of loving yourself is a constant cycle of ensuring that all the things we require to blossom are in place and attended.  To love yourself is to hold yourself primarily responsible for your  own joy,  your own peace, your own fulfillment, your own completeness and everything else you require to blossom.

I hope you can now begin the journey loving yourself!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

 

 

 

 

5 things I learnt from my Jamaican mom about parenting

What is perfect parenting?  One would only hope and pray that the life that once first lived in them avoid the perils and temptations of society to become as close as possible to our IMG_20150116_132905ideal perfect human.  (wink wink)  Complete with the frills of a well adjusted social life, marriage, family, finances and association et al….one would only hope and pray.

Truth is, parenting is like an unending marathon obstacle course, jumping over the little ones daily evolving personalities, likes and dislikes; working through school and homework and projects without losing your own mind, paying the bills, earning the money, budgeting, prioritizing, maintaining your job, sanity, mental health and sometimes personal hygiene. Bear in mind, that during all of this…everything you do is training and preparing these young minds, even at times when you are not conscious of it. Gasp.  I know.

I think it is safe to say…amidst all I described above, hardly any of us made it out anywhere close to our parents’ ideal perfect human.   Some of us do a pretty darn job at pretending like we do, while others simply went care-free south…

My mother however is one parent I admire.  There is indeed no manual for raising children in any of the varied circumstances of life that you find yourself parenting.  There is no manual, and there can never be, however there are a few core things that are important and will provide support and guidance during whatever situation.

Here are the 5 main things I learnt from my mom.

  1. Your child should be your friend – we had a little argument about this point, initially I did not support this tip.  There were times when I felt as though my mother’s own negative experiences were colouring my interpretation of circumstances…unnecessarily.  However, parenting is a relationship like any relationship, and even more so, your child is your flesh and extension of both parents.  Your child should feel comfortable to speak with you about anything, encourage them to share with you, too many children grow into adults who have a problem sharing what they are going through, some unfortunately ending up with no-so-ideal human behaviours like…anger or depression.
  2. Show lots of physical attention – physical touch, is another way to ensure humans feel grounded and connected.  Physical loving contact with your child has this same effect and even more so as the parents.  Encourage display of affecting from very early.  It can also serve as  a reward for good/agreeable acts…the more love you show is the less licks they will have to get.  Which leads to the next point.
  3. Beat out dem claaat (a little physical abuse goes a long way) – the debate on this issue is pretty much sealed, corporal punishment is wrong.  Many countries have outlawed it, I note where Jamaica is on that path, children are calling the police on their parents when they are being disciplined, neighbours are calling police on parents, leading to incarceration and separation of families.  A Jamaican old school mother was incarcerated for beating her son after he stole goods from a nearby shop, he was subsequently placed in a state-run institution while his mother did her jail time for child abuse…years later on her release she finds out her son is on the Jamaica’s most wanted list and police want to know where to find him.  I honestly don’t have much to say on this issue, except that my mother convinced me that she would surely kill me if I crossed her, I crossed her very few times and only when I wasn’t too sure if she would be crossed.  It was never repeated twice.  Honestly…my mom’s rassing was a little different perhaps.  She would ensure I knew why I was being rassed.  During the rassing she would tell me what she wanted to prevent, and after the rassing, we would have a final talk about what I would be doing differently…coupled with lots of physical love.  Like that time I stole my grandma’s chocolate, the rassing I got had my grandma begging for me, but my mother was hell bent that I would be no thief, and the rassing proved it.  I could never steal…my conscience, perhaps imprinted by that rassing would never leave me alone.  The bottom line is some rassing necessary…unfortunately, may be necessary, as a tool to help them along good path, bad path.
  4. Always have your child’s back and ensure they know it – my mother loved us so much, she supported us entirely all the time.  Admittedly I have abused this trait and regardless she is always there.  I have come to appreciate the power of this point in my adulthood.  Knowing that you have a supportive base that will never leave your side is the magic powers superheros feel when they throw on a cape. Your primary role as a parent is to ensure your child knows they have your support.  I am not even going to say plainly…that you should always have your child’s back, as the reality as sometimes based on our own situations, we don’t need to be handling any more than we are…but we still have to…on these days at least let our kids feel like we have their back 100%.  It is that important! Our kids are superheroes! We are their power! It works!
  5. The classroom cannot be the only place your kids learn – As the parent, education is your primary responsibility, the teacher, sunday school, dancing etc are simply other activities you are enlisting to help you achieve your parenting goal. They can help, but they do not replace your role.  Find time in your schedule to ‘teach’ your child consistently. Challenge them to be one grade above where they should be.  My mom used to get my books for back to school at the beginning of summer, my entire summer was spent learning what was in these books, by the time I hit school in September I was good and ready.  This tip, as challenging as it sounds, isn’t that hard to do, my mom was barely literate when she taught me to read and be an avid reader.  Books were my gifts, everything in my childhood was a learning opportunity, every sign I had to read, synonyms and antonyms I had to find.

 

Brawta tip:

I honestly learnt this one just now, and it is the reason I decided to write this blog.

Teach your child to focus:

I sat and watched my beautiful mother eloquently explain why it is that children must be given alone time…to teach them to focus.  She explained that at school and all ‘learning’ opportunities – there is confusion, children need to learn how to focus by finding their own place and voice.  My time was 3am, oh lord I hated it and every morning she would recite the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, ‘the heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flighty, but they while their companions slept were toiling upward in the night’, many cold 3ams I wanted to find those companions and wake dem up tuh! It was painful and nothing I tried worked to get me out of it, no belly pain, no headache nothing worked, 3am I was up toiling and crying sometimes, but toiling.

As I said, that last point was the reason I decided to write this blog post, I haven’t given it much thought, it blew my mind, but I am not sure how I feel about it, how do you feel about it?

Cardi B’s love

Cardi B became the first woman to win the Grammy for best rap album, this is despite artists like Eve, Missy Elliot and Nicky Minaj.

Now that event has bundled in it a conundrum of conundrums it’s hard to truly decipher if this is an aggregate win or a loss…that’s for another day looking at women and the direction of standards.

In this post I want to look at something that had dominated the media not so long ago (to think Cardi B may be the smart Donald Trump of rap), her relationship with her husband…Offset.

As I read my first article documenting her historic achievement, I was tickled that in her acceptance speech…she said ‘you, husband, thank you’. I swear I saw nothing else. We already know the started from the bottom now we here story, the stripper or sex tape talent becoming a megastar is quite normal for our generation. Truth be told, I expect nothing less from Cardi and a whole lot more to come. What I did not expect is…the ‘you…husband…thank you’. She acknowledged him, not by the name we all know him… but rather by his function in relation to her, and by extension service to her in spite of all that played out in the media as he tried to make things right publicly, I assume after trying all he could privately.

I am no relationship expert, maybe to be an expert at anything requires dedication and commitment, (whilst I haven’t espoused those traits, I’m pretty proud of myself for committing to a change in 2019,) however I think to make a relationship work you may just have to ‘work’ through the not so cute times and commit to teaching your partner how to love you.

So while everyone had their opinions about whether or not Cardi should’ve taken back her man after she discovered him cheating, we didn’t see how he served and helped her become who she is today…to take her to this next level.

Reading her statement, brought home some solid lessons for me and as we inch closer to the red and white death of Valentines day I hope others can note this lesson of love…and no, the others I am referring to are not the people in love…it’s the other others…the ones who sit on the sidelines choking on their opinions of other people’s love, usually from a soapbox. Love is designed to carry you through life’s hard times. Love should be your peace, your fertilizer. Love should make you happy and keep you there. As humans, we have the capacity for so much love and so many different types of love with multiple opportunities to express and share our love. If we understand the value of love and the contribution of love…then we would never be a part of restricting or denying love.

‘Love is designed to carry you through life’s hard times. Love should be your peace, your fertilizer. Love should make you happy and keep you there.’

For a minute, imagine having nothing to carry you through your hard times…how could you?

Female Dancehall Vibe

Shensea and Romeich Entertainment been in some really great things…nuh just now. Truth be told I was never a Shensea fan…she’s cute and has some good lyrics but her delivery just didn’t appear natural to me…her lyrics didn’t sync with who she was for me…but this song connect!

Watch the new Shensea video here

Dancehall is full of attitude and vibes and power…they represent strong Jamaican women, sexy but smart!

Female Dancehall Vibe

Shensea and Romeich Entertainment been in some really great things…nuh just now. Truth be told I was never a Shensea fan…she’s cute and has some good lyrics but her delivery just didn’t appear natural to me…her lyrics didn’t sync with who she was for me…but this song connect!

Watch the new Shensea video here

Dancehall is full of attitude and vibes and power…they represent strong Jamaican women, sexy but smart!