Confusing love

I loved her with all my heart – or did I really?

She was selfish and self-centered – or was she really?

She said things she said she didn’t mean – or did she really?

I did things because I was frustrated – or was I really?

In this space of questions with no answers, hesitation now pumping through my veins, mingled with some of the unconditional love which still remains.

If I I sent rescue troupes to dig through the rubble of the issues that tore us apart, will hopes be in vain that we are still there, alive and breathing, holding each other close and still loving without having to tell or prove it, but simply knowing?

The confusion is thick and heavy, lost at sea with uncertainty sharks waiting to either devour or save us.  As the days go by, your face still looks the same, sometimes that is a good thing and confusingly sometimes horrifying, with nightmares and flickering fears that what was was said was really meant, what was done was really intended, and the love can never be mended.  What remains is not in doubt, I loved her from day one and still do.





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