Lord have mercy where to start. So twitter and FB blew up today with Mr. Vegas (semi-popular dancehall DJ with homophobic lyrics – sticks out tongue, makes mean face) going ballistic about catching the mother of his one year old daughter, having unprotected sex with another man…in front of his daughter (the latter to me is irrelevant, the child is 1 year old for heaven’s sake, she won’t recall anything, but for emotional impact, I give its inclusion an ‘A’). He took the mother of his child to town, blasting her about being a bitch and not getting a hotel room. As expected, his decision to put his private and chilling personal story on social media, washing his dirty linen in public, made him even more popular, he became the laughing stock of many Jamaicans who consider his behavior to be ‘UNMANLY”, interestingly, many seemed to be encouraging him to resort to violence, which would have been the typical Jamaican way to respond to such a big ‘diss’. Instead of attempting to physically attack the man or his child’s mother, Mr. Vegas did the UNMANLY thing of avoiding a case, violence, abusing a woman and choosing to ensure he is there for his daughter’s future. Yes, how deeply UNMANLY of him to decide to TALK about it, express how he feels with having his ego hurt and bruised.
Today my respect for Mr. Vegas as a man went up a few notches. The Jamaican culture is one that requires you to have tough skin and broad back, come tomorrow, Raggashanti and his mix-up entourage will be shredding this situation, dancehall artistes craving a buss to capitalise on Kartel’s incarceration will be penning comedic diss tunes for the UNMANLY man.
Being cheated on is tough on anyone. Feelings of inadequacy, a break in trust, depression etc are just very few of the results, not many people can handle the impact of the emotional trauma and for those who are unable to look deeper into the cause, violence is usually the initial retort, regardless of whether the reasons for the infidelity can be justified. Mr. Vegas is clearly made of another type of mettle, and in the coming weeks, I sure hope this mettle can stand up to the badgering and ridicule that is about to rain.
Every single action has a cause, and the truth is people cheat for varied reasons, usually the very first of which is a lack of communication. Either one person is saying but not being heard, or is saying nothing at all. Relationships must be about communication and the entire period (hopefully till death do us part) must be about how to perfect the skill and art of communicating verbally, emotionally, spiritually and physically and it must involve all persons in the relationship. When your relationships go sour, stop being a bitch about it, blaming the other person, all persons involved must accept blame for it. You knew that something was off, either physically (you stopped having sex), verbally (you stopped talking to each other about how you truly feel), emotionally (you stopped caring how the other person felt), and spiritually (you felt uncomfortable being around the person).
Labels and socially prescribed roles make it so difficult for us to be human, as we have to test the expression of how we feel and communicate along the lines of the generally accepted behaviour attached to our gender; women are supposed to talk and men are supposed to be quiet with few words; men should want sex more and women should act coy as if they don’t get horny; women are emotional, men are aloof. Lord help you if you are an emotional man, who values conversation and getting to know a woman over sex, or if you are an aloof woman, who would rather get to the point of the fuck. Can you imagine if you are a woman who has decided to adopt a more masculine role in your same-sex relationships struggling with your natural behavioural inclinations of your born gender (woman)…immediate headspin.
Oh dear what to do…SCREW IT ALL. Your happiness is paramount. Live your life to make yourself happy, you will allow people to appreciate you for you and only then will you attract people who support who you are, hence leading to your positive development.
Violence is never the way to resolve any issue, every human being is dynamic and influenced by different things, different family life situations, education, emotional exposures, communication styles, take the time to learn how to communicate. Violence is to be reserved for short-sighted people with no future or dreams and you are better than that…of course.
Long live self love!