It is said that air is life…and breathing keeps us alive. As I lay immobilized on this proverbial hospital bed, with what seems like plugs and wires sustaining my life…connected to something else, no longer breathing on my own. Feeling the life drain out through my fingertips, I crave to fill my own lungs with life giving air, my spirit races to all corners of experiences taking bouts of air, deep breaths threatening to bust open my chest. I gasp so deep and so earnestly, because I need my feet to start moving again, my brain to start thinking the way it used to.
I run to the hills, swallowing refreshing cool air, kissed by nearby rivers, scented with blossoming trees, filled with life. I can feel the breeze glaze over and cool my tormented skin, anticipating that in my lungs it will have the same reaction…rejuvenating me. It doesn’t not quite enough, am I that dead? Can’t be, as my eyes are still open and I am still able to perceive. So I figure, this must not be the place.
I race time, as my fingers keep bleeding life, I run to the seaside where waters lap the shores from all over the earth, where a whole other world exists under water and with its own laws and rules. Water, seeping into my skin is a welcomed feeling, soothing, my scars burning, but healing, I take another deep breath, hoping this time to be it. Water all over me from head to toe soaked, yet the life keeps rushing through and out my finger tips, obviously this isn’t it.
I am almost out of options, .grasping the air…taking deep breaths in prayer hoping that one day or one moment, one of these breaths will come and tell me where to go and what to do, not sure how much more time I have left at my fingertips….perhaps it will only come from your kiss.