lost without her: Wartime dimentia

Sometimes I wake up in daze, feeling like she left me in a maze, breathing deep to avoid the craze that threatens to creep in when I wake up like this.

Where forth are the warmth from her arms, I’m missing her morning stretches, her private idiosyncrasies. With blinders on, I fought valiantly, her heart was my direction; making her happy, my duty without objection; her smile my confection; craving her touch my affliction.

One day, I became a weak warrior, bleeding from the wound of my love’s dagger. I knew she didn’t mean it, so I pleaded for her to fix it. My tears burned hotter than lava where I knew only her kiss would make it better. With my arms outstretched, I prayed that she would reach down and help me up…just this one time, I had fallen so hard, reassurance was all I needed to make it stop.

I cried for eternity, all my organs seemed to join in the ceremony, love painfully sliding away from me. I cried so hard my warhorse blinders started slipping, with eyes wide open, I could see for ALL I was fighting; her pedestial still in place, as her tears wreaked havoc on my face. I know she didn’t mean it, but I couldn’t accept anymore, not with my wounds and my heart still so sore, and so I became an even weaker warrior, hell I stopped fighting all together, why bother, when I needed her and it didn’t matter.

I am an old warhorse now, my fighting times are done…no more pedestializing, in this war, pain has won. In moments like these, waking up in a daze, where she left me in the maze, all I have are wartime memories who with tears in my eyes, still puts a smile on my face.

I fight no more, I pedestialize no one. The pedestial seems to be the safest place, so it is up there I stand.

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One thought on “lost without her: Wartime dimentia

  1. This is sad, depressing yet really beautiful all at the same time…How can something soo beautiful turn into something so ugly!The thin line Between LOVE and PAIn never ceases to amaze me 😦 The two words are almost synonymous for some of us. How does the Love of ur life turn into the source of ur unbearable pain in split seconds……? Is it that there is no love without pain or is it that we’ve conned ourselves into thinking we loved…. if real love does not cause pain then what we experience is a mere relative of the real deal? I’ve heard that if someone loves u they’ll never hurt u..if this were so, not that i’m making a definitive assumption that it isn’t…. then i have NEVER been loved by anyone ever and perhaps i myself has loved no one? As intellectual beings the logical thing to do is to stay away from pain (save the sadists) 😉 Love is battle, a long tiring fight, tho broken and wounded horsey carry on cause i promise u the rewards at the end of this war is worth it…..at least i hope so :* for my sake lol

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