Between the ridiculous moth-like flying tricks, the sparkling crimson gushing fluid I presume to be blood, the on-point English accents and corny sexual innuendos, Iron Fist killed all my faith in good oriental movies. I am saddened that a few people got PAID to produce, write or act in this movie, then marketed it as an authentic action packed karate film instead of a comedy or a mock of good Karate movies. I have much respect for bad-ass female actors, but what the bomboclaat (Jamaican badword inserted here in an attempt to convey my disgust) is Lucy Lui thinking. Who the hell decided to put a black man and hip hop music as backdrop to a film set in China with typical clan wars over gold, and I still don’t get Mr. English man and his knife-gun, what the fuck was that icky sex scene…eewwww. Sigh and sigh again. This film was such a waste of my time, I decided to accept it as comedy and enjoy from that angle. The funniest scene being magical chi wind in the end as the hero…the Black runaway slave, with the iron fist, punched brass body into a million gold pieces with his miracle hands and fingers that although were iron had full flexion movements.
Iron fist (2012) is set in China and was created by Quentin Tarantino, with Russell Crowe, Cung Lee, Lucy Liu, Byron Mann, RZA, Rick Yune, David Bautista, Jamie Chung. The story is narrated by the hero, Mr. Iron Fist himself, who was a slave given his freedom by his master right before he died. Destiny was the water vessel which met an unfortunate collision on the shores of China, as he escaped after accidentally causing the death of a white man who felt he should not be freed. It was his destiny to get to China and become the metal smith playing both sides, making unique and interesting weapons for warring factions. Silver Fox, the proverbial villain who betrays his master and father-figure for gold and recognition, along with ‘Brass Body’ a ridiculously huge white man, you guessed it, with a brass body to ward off hits, rendering efforts of all potential opponents or challengers a laughing stock; cuts off both hands from the lowly hardworking and only metal crafter, who creates excellent weapons (does this sound odd to anyone else, why not just keep him locked in a dungeon where he can continue to make your weapons of mass destruction). The metal smith was then rescued and catered to by the knife-gun wielding English man who came hunting for gold and bitches for his odd sexual practices. With all the vengeance he could muster, metal smith recalled his training with Buddhist monks on his arrival via destiny, and decided to craft ‘his best weapon yet’, a set of Iron Fists, made from English man’s mold. The war over someone else’s gold continues, but not before involving a brothel and its owner who happens to be or rather pretends to be the enigmatic Lucy Lui (I refuse to believe my dear Lucy would be party to such an awful production – whoever that was must have been an imposter – sticking to that story). Lucy, the black widow, was hiding the stolen gold for the big thief Silver Fox, in the anals of her brothel for just 3% (really now), all of a sudden she and her whores became fierce female warriors and joined the fight, almost annihilating the silver fox clan. She eventually died saving a little girl who would have gotten caught in the crossfire, how maternal and sweet.
Iron Fist, battled brass body and won. Where is the gold? Did English man get what he wanted? Did Iron Fist get any at all? When will they cut out making these ridiculous flying saucer baseless empty karate movies? Why does China sit by and watch American film makers make a mockery of their culture and religion? Iron Fist was not a fail…it was a flipping joke and a sad reminder that talent and skill are slowly becoming things of the past, where money and fame is way more valued. Mi waa cusss some more claaaat but I have to try to keep it decent for my readers!!! Grrr!!