I no longer use my heart

I know you are not my soulmate, I don’t feel you like that. We are good, its comfortable and I am happy with just that.

I left my soul with her, and am not too sure how to get it back. It is lost in efforts and memories, years and years of not cutting myself any slack, hoping that how I loved her she could love me for even an ounce back. I’ve given my soul, so it already under her palms and in her trap. I swear its a good thing she doesn’t realise or maybe doesn’t even want it, for her, I could be easily manipulated. I no longer give all of me…aching to get something back. The emptiness I felt in the hollow of my chest, where my heart seemed to have bled is a fading memory, evoked only by thoughts of her. I suspect that was where my soul was…in my chest, below my heart, now hollow, torn apart.

I have realised most times, it is best to not use your heart. Hearts need,expect and anticipate love, trust, companionship…warmth. They are fragile and gentle, and can be broken with just a thought.

I no longer use my heart, save to store my memories and when I am all alone in the dark like an outlet, I allow my tears to rip me apart, bleeding her from my mind, a little bit at a time. Only then can I face the world smiling bright, bottling it up then bleeding her from me, is the only way I can see sunshine. Doing nothing but allowing thoughts of her and questions like ‘why’, would sure drive me insane, everything dark and gloomy…my passion for life a distant memory. So, though I know you are not my soulmate, I like this just fine, you make me smile…put me in a very different frame of mind.

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