The initial idea behind starting a blog was that I was unemployed, stressing and needed some way to believe that my creative juices were not all flushed down the bottomless black hole and that somewhere deep down inside I may still have an urge for life…I can be motivated as I motivated so many in my past. Enamored with the notion that I am a good writer, I even flirted a little with my childhood dream of being a journalist, facilitating life’s tales as a way to get humanity and experiences to understand that we all have pain and growth in common, when I was a child, it was to tell stories that would touch people’s hearts, give hope and leave smiles.
How much of blogging is valuable though, who reads a blog and really and truly, and why. I can understand a blog about interests, and I toyed with what could I consistently write about as an interest. I have no consistent interests. I am fluid and I like it that way, though it potentially contributes to my incessant wuklissness from not being able to focus long enough to establish any real success…each time literally ‘just’ missing it. I have accepted that I like being fluid, and hope that while the people who love me are willing to understand my need for constant movement and change, they are also willing and able to stand up to me and keep me grounded, taking charge when they need to.
I am learning to let go, to breathe, to accept truths even painful ones I would rather not believe, but are backed up in a corner, like some divine force deciding to stand up to me, unfortunately sometimes brutally and painfully. I have learnt how not to love; how to identify when someone is really not into me; I no longer ignore the signs or compromise on what I need, I am better aware of my needs, limits and boundaries. My love for me is unshakeable – so much I will have a big belly laugh in the face and at the efforts of any sad soul that attempts that. Don’t be fooled…that is no pretend, I do find it hilarious, its almost as if my ‘IDGAF’ switch got flipped and I am thrilled by it. I don’t harbour fears, not that I ever did, but now I fully understand that all of life’s experiences are to be accepted head on…factual, I am sure everything will be ok. It always ends up that way.