6 years ago my life changed forever. After a horrible breakup with my lesbian lover and future wife of 7 years, I was devastated to say the least. At the bottom of my pit…homeless, jobless, cashless, asset less and destitute with a broken heart. In the glaring light of my homelessness, under the irony that I lost my mind 2 years before based on my conviction and strife over homelessness in the LGBT community and facing the facts that as an out and very out lesbian and LGBT activist…my community was not necessarily my best option, i opted to go stay with an old matriarch as opposed to where i grew up…a way more volatile garrison community. If the fact that having lived on my own for the last twelve years and having to kotch at someone’s house as opposed to moving pillow to post as the opportunity came didn’t do me in…the look in my mother’s eyes as she tried her hardest to support me now, after vehemently opposing my personal life for the past 15 years was sure to drive me insane, while I tried to process the breakup and my future.
Prayer meetings were held, long silences were endured until one day my mother said…’Yaw go mek dem kill me one daughter’ and it clicked. I was already dead inside…dead without a job…dead without money…dead without anything. It clicked and I cried. I felt like I had no where to turn, my high profile lesbian relationship caused too many opinions and participants.
That very next day I woke up to some Christians in my room…holding hands and praying while my mom’s eyes begged me to behave, as she didn’t know what else to do. I endured the prayer and chanting and decided to do something I had never done before. Give my toiled mother a shot.
6 years ago I made a vow to give my number to the first man that asked for it. I didn’t know how else to jump. That same day, Madison’s father insisted on getting my number. Since then my life has never been the same. I’ve been confronted with challenge after challenge. I’ve been made to experience and understand homophobia from a whole other perspective. I am made painfully aware of gender disparities and how it affects all aspects of a woman/girls life. I understand support and I now definitely know love.
I don’t owe anyone anything (not money…I owe money…rest assured). My truth is just that. I care zero for your opinions as I unapologetically acknowledge that there were many things I did wrong. I am impulsive and dramatic…traits I’m learning to understand and to manage…I understand that a silly vow under pressure wasn’t enough to turn my life and history upside down but I also understand that it works out…and all things work for good…if you look at it that way.
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