Kim Kardashian – The badass bitch

No, I am not one of your typical celebrity-crazed person, I don’t care much for celebrity life and actually feel a lot of pity and sadness for them.  Having the spotlight squarely centered on your ass 25/7 (not an error, 25/7 because they seem to be under constant and consistent surveillance almost like magical wild beasts) does not seem very enjoyable; indeed the Wests have had a great deal of experience with the paparazzi’s unfriendly and aggressive obsession with them.

I am not a Kim Kardashian fan. I am a fan of badass bitches who take whatever society throws at them and turn it inside out.  True Amazonian queens who will stand up, come face to face with crippling situations and rise up again, like Kim.  In 2007, one of the many HIP HOP assholes, marauding men who in their childish haze attempt to belittle women, using weapons of shame to cripple them, RAY-J, release a very lame sex tape of him and Kim (that sex tape was beyond lame, unbelievable to think people have sex like that).  The sex tape went viral and Kim Kardashian took that and turned it into a  very successful TV show, modeling career, fashion and beauty line and her title Badass Bitch!  Many women crumble at just the thought of a break-up, not to mention a bad break-up, Kim’s experience would have caused many to be the next feature on Snapped, he would be in a body bag, she would have been a hit anyway…even if she murdered him and ended up on the next exciting reality tv show ‘Celebrity Criminals’.  She did none of those…she grew from the experience, made the strangest coupling with the extra-terrestrial Mr. West have a beautiful daughter, a wedding to talk about for days and something that look so right.

As if holding her head high wasn’t enough, she endured some truly harsh criticisms about her pregnancy body and weight gain, all the while being hounded by the paparazzi. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and 16 months later is being criticized again for sticking it to ‘them’ with some really hot naked photos. 

That magazine cover gave me the biggest most satisfied laugh, Break the internet because you broke it to a culture of shaming and denigrating.  Kim Kardashian refused to allow her lowest lows being magnified by empty people to cripple her, she didn’t defend, deny or allow her situation to lead her to drug abuse or self-hate, she turned a shaming anal sex home video into a magazine cover with champagne spurting on said now world renown ass.

Lessons learnt:

a) We can and must rise on the wings of the said things that threaten to take us down

b) Don’t respond to negative press, smile and keep it classy, curt and pretty.

c) Nothing sexier than a badass bitch

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On the road again

The yellow brick road is up and moving again and this time I am pregnant and i have a whole lot to say about the process that got me here!!!!

From top lesbian to baby mother?  I have endured the undercover chatter and faced the brave ones who asked the serious questions.  Accusations of being a sell-out that led to threats of violence from my hurt former clan, who felt especially betrayed by my choice to date a man.

Fast forward three years later, I gladly rub my tummy amazed at this new stage in my life…am I ready? Absolutley NOT!!!  Am I scared…not really…my life experiences have taught me that I will always be ok.  I will survive and luckily exceed others expectations, happily and sensationally surprising myself.

Ode to this Yellow Brick Road!

I don’t know which is responsible for these curves and turns…is it my affinity to new experiences, is it bravery or is it stupidity! Which ever it is, it would b a lie to say I didn’t enjoy every single moment of it…the highs are majestic and lows could be more devastating if I didn’t have a healthy sense of humour and my lifeline, the one that allows me to believe that everything happens for a purpose.

 

I feel him moving in my tummy…I poke fun at my swollen feet and constantly feel so amazingingly happy and pretty!ImageI never even dreamt of having a child…quite the contrary I had some less than dignified opinions of women who chose to have children, because of what I saw of heterosexual relationships and its by-product being kids, always abandoned by their fathers and left to struggling but strong women to raise on their own.  I thought these women were stupid.  Never wanted to be part of that gang, so when doctors told me ages ago that if I wanted to get pregnant I should hurry…naturally I scoffed…and admittedly laughed a little…Hell noooooo!!!

Suddenly in my 30s, I found myself getting the baby itch…the bug got me.  Not knowing how or even if this would happen…I suppressed it.  I am pregnant now and enjoying every minute of it…the swollen feet fascinate me, the bulging tummy I find super sexy in my outfits and I just want to wiggle each time someone makes a comment about my pregnancy…glad bag bus!

Having a child can be such a stressful event, and if you think that the stress concerns the conception and pregnancy, think again! I can imagine the stress being straight through the toddler, pre-teen, teenage, adult years.  Here I am committing to love another human being whatever he looks or sounds like, whether he is agreeable or a pain in the ass…till death do us part…and even so, we pray it is not death!

Another turn on the yellow brick road…am I ready…hell no I am not by any stretch of the imagination, however like all the turns on the road, I will go at it with all of me, knowing fully well that everything is purposed in my life.  There are no guarantees, and we don’t dictate how things work out for us, our role is to live, be positive and give it our all!

 

 

 

 

THE WHITE BUTTERFLY

21st Century (R)Evolution

Originally written September 1, at 3 p.m.

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Tranquil. That’s how I’d describe the moment. But not a good type of tranquility: it isn’t the kind that simply drowns out the background noise and let’s you get lost in your own thoughts; it’s not the kind that soothes every nerve to the point of ecstasy. This tranquility is almost superficial. It is what is imposed on you by the elements – by circumstance.

It is the dead calm of the day. It is the single and distant bird whistle or squawk. It is the all-too-audible humming of some machine. It is the lonesome white butterfly making its way through the wind, seemingly lost. The sky torments me: the dead, grey lump above me that threatens me with a deluge, but dares not move a muscle. It doesn’t even breathe hard, for the trees don’t dance. A few shake their…

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THAT KINDA LOVE

I don’t profess to be a christian, but I do believe that the bible has some really interesting ways of expressing/looking at certain things.  Ways I believe we could benefit from adopting.  Admittedly some of the pronouncements may seem lofty or even impossible from a human perspective, but I am sure that ‘impossible’ is one of the words inadvertently placed in human language, as far as I can see, nothing is impossible for human beings, perhaps impossible may exist for other life forms, but human….transcend such limitations.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 deal with love, describing in very simple terms what it is and is not.

‘Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

 

From the looks of it, this love thing is quite dangerous…especially verse 7…it ALWAYS PROTECTS, TRUSTS, HOPES AND PERSEVERES.  That to me is the crazy line.  I have loved and though it took some time for me to admit it to myself, I am in love right now in a way I have never been.  Like with everything I am becoming to understand, our interaction with people and the situations of this life, is really about a deeper interaction with self.  I am in love, but what this love has really taught me is HOW I love, how love empowers me and at times deflowers me.  My experience of love has very little to do with the object of my love.  The object of my love is also human, and if my love depended on them alone, at many times there would be no love, lots of fights and anger etc (the things we are accustomed to seeing at the ‘end’ of love).  I could never ever imagine having those things…the fights and anger.  This kind of love understands and accepts the person I am in love with…fully, so I am able to look beyond the mishaps and the failings.  It is not a self-abusing kind of love,  blindly making excuses for the the other persons shit or taking any crap from them either (the kind of love I was attracted to in the past), this kind of love understands the nature of love and that I must love myself first.

I do not get jealous, nor am I selfish wanting this person all to myself.  I can be open, have conversations that would freak out most people in relationships because at the end of the day I realise that love should be free and it must make both persons happy, most of all ME.

What CRIME IS

I stopped listening/watching the news ages ago, inundated by senseless killings and murders but most importantly the pervasive lack of respect for life and the responsibility. Seeing beyond the senseless killings, the drive-bys, the arrogant supposed SERVANTS of the state (politicians), there was a core issue…one that commissions and impassioned pronouncements from whichever place of pain, defeat or hopelessness seemed to fail to highlight; all the time irrationally or perhaps delayed misappropriating the real blame.

The real truth (well as far as I am concerned) is that what we are experiencing is the effects of a lack of responsibility. This lack of responsibility is a pandemic, whose symptoms and occurrences when ignored from the smallest levels grow and develop like fatal cancers until it becomes where we are now, no one has any respect or any responsibility. When we break stop lights; refuse to do what is right even in small situations; when we allow our kids to avoid their responsibilities, we support this lack of respect for life and responsibility and we support this mass national decay that we are experiencing. Can it be resolved. Most definitely! Once we start accepting responsibility and holding people accountable.

Destiny vs Choice

I had a very strained conversation with someone in my life, my friend, despite the fact that we rarely ever see eye to eye, often times irritating each other to bits, I guess because we both are highly opinionated and equally controlling. Maturity is however yet to teach her the lesson I learnt, that everyone and everything must be allowed its expression and it is not our responsibility to agree (she will perhaps read this and fume, she will say I have it wrong and will think of defending on this post. Let me advise you…do not do it, these are my opinions, you cannot control them).

The general gist of tonight’s teeth-grinding argument, was that she believes that people choose the lives they lead, it is their choices that determine how their lives turn out. The conversation began when she asked if I believed in destiny, I took some time to think about it, then admitted that I do believe in Destiny, the idea that there is something for your life that MUST happen regardless of what you do or whatever choices you make, you will have to find back your level and your original path. Some people keep making choices leading them away from this, and are therefore forced to die before they can complete the mission and return to existence to complete it in another life. I believe that God/The Universe, or whatever other names exist out there is the one holding the chips (destiny) in this poker game called life. I believe that Nick Vijucic was destined to change peoples lives and was born without arms and legs, suffered the pain of the lessons taught by society in order to be able to do what he is doing now. When you understand that you are destined and purposed for greatness, we can smile through whatever situations you are in, knowing that difficult situations…whether it be the chemistry; the connections; or the circumstances; or the consciousness, will require the choices that will take us through to our destiny. No one is ever born to do nothing and have no purpose, regardless of how bad our situations become due to our choices, when we allow our purpose in our life by following our bliss which is all that is required of us…to feel and follow LOVE, we will fulfil our destiny and served our purpose.

I don’t know which came first…the chicken or the egg, I know for sure I enjoy both of them and they both serve a different purpose. So it is with the concepts of destiny and choice. Does Choice influence Destiny…or do we make Choices dependent on our pre-determined, divine-assigned Destiny. What about Oprah Winfrey? Are there many other young black women who made the right choices up the golden streets with milk and honey, or was she destined to touch many lives with her specific story? I am sure there were many young black impoverished American-African who worked hard through college, many even made it to law school…why didn’t they become president…right time, right place…the things that make up Destiny.

I have attached a video that blows my mind and brought tears…please watch!

Virginal Bolt and the things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm…

ImageSome weeks ago I, in passing heard some drama about Usain Bolt, Jamaica’s pride and joy and phenomenon locally and internationally, being the star of Virgin Media’s ‘power of our network’ campaign.  I decided to watch this commercial, and as I expected it really fell short in deserving all the hubbabuloo about it, as a matter of the fact…the campaign itself just feels short, I would never have any real interest in Virgin Media after seeing this particular ad.  Its just Usain, with I assume some amount of effort at acting (well hopefully), sorta like Shebada’s performances…it was just Usain being Usain, like Shebada can do nothing but Shebada, right place, right time and perhaps if we can be honest…devoid of any true skill, not in any way meant to devalue their contribution…but fact is fact…acting requires coming out of self and playing roles…I certainly didn’t see any acting in this commercial.

So it had me thinking, why would Branson, mad scientist entrepreneur and philanthropist pay Bolt to do this luke warm uninspiring campaign. I wonder if he did something I would do, if I were as wealthy as he is, with the resources that he has…hold a mirror to a homophobic society with their most beloved expression of strength, masculinity, alpha-egotism, and dominance.,..the great Usain Bolt, fastest man on earth and Jamaican! This thought is cracking up.  I decided to google and I find out that Richard Branson is indeed very vocal about his support for gay rights.  Boycotting Uganda for its Gay Rights bill, openly supporting gay marriage and same love.  

If that were the case, then I am even more in love with Dear Sir Branson, you are ingenious!  This is the 22nd century  way of influencing social change.  It would be a case where you have done your research on the complexity and dynamism of influencing any kind of change on Jamaican culture, you know that head-on attacking issues will only lead to head-on collision, like the ones you will meet upon in trying to confront a fussing toddler – resistance…with little or no change and perhaps many unnecessary deaths and victimisation.  

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You understand that people follow when they have a leader, and you have identified our most glorified local personality who is also internationally influential, and you have charted this larger than life, cocky Jamaican superstar with the task of challenging some socially ingrained concepts that need to move along its curve.  

Richard Branson, I dub thee Sir Knight Mek Sense – what a prekeh! Let the chatter continue in the grass roots cuz change is coming baby! 

Greatest Love of All Pt 2

WHITNEY HOUSTONHave you ever had something happen to you that though you are aware it happens, you just never thought it would happen to you? Its like hearing a saying, and you swear you know what it means, until you are faced with a situation and the reality of it hits you. We hear daily…’you must love your self’, ‘Loving yourself is the greatest love of all’, yet so many of everybody really have no clue how to love the themselves,and the very few who do feel afraid to share it, not wanting to be confused with others who pretend like they have it, self-love, but in reality are just overcompensating broadway stars…you know them, the really sad egotistical ones who feel like for them to shine they have to throw shade on someone else.

How does one love them self? When Whitney Houston belted that whopping famous song written by Creed to share her journey with cancer to ‘describe her feelings about coping with great challenges that one must face in life, being strong during those challenges whether you succeed or fail, and passing that strength on to children to carry with them into their adult lives.‘ THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL, it became an immediate hit.

The song came to me this afternoon after my last post and my real real realisation of how life should go and that I must love myself. I wondered if Whitney Houston, loved herself. She sang the words with conviction and was made even more popular because of it, but I was not convinced she loved herself and thought it was a very sad song for her. What happened, how could she make all these horrid decisions with her man, her public image, her career and even eventually in her death? Why was she searching for someone to fulfil her needs, why was she walking in Bobby Brown’s shadow with all the drug use and abuse? Why didn’t she find the greatest love of all, although she seemed to know the route and claimed it was easy to achieve? Was she not shown the beauty she possessed inside as a child, did she not have a sense of pride? Was she always walking in the shadows of the power house women she grew up around, Dionne Warwick and Aretha Franklin.

The author of the song, The Greatest Love of all, Linda Creed died a few weeks before a song she wrote 9 years ago hit the charts via Whitney Houston’s magical voice. A song that Creed, despite her struggle with cancer, long before treatments were as advanced as they are now, worked hard on the 1977 Muhammad Ali’s biopic, ‘The Greatest’. Her family later formed the Linda Creed Breast Cancer foundation, with many firsts and still helping women through the journey of cancer.

Self love is critical, knowing who we are, being kind to ourself, forgiving ourself etc… sets a tone for how the rest of the world will treat us and will determine the situations we attract in your life, as per the law of attraction. So ideally before we learn to do anything at all, before we try to creep, we should really be learning to love ourselves. I strongly believe that is the idea we were born with, which we slowly started to lose if were are not born around caring and genuine individuals who understood their roles in our new life, most of whom made odd faces at us touching our pleasurable private parts; beginning the miseducation of self, ‘plagued by indecision and self doubt’, perhaps more intensely ‘depression and self hatred, which cripples you in every area of your life. The self-focused negativity cuts you off from your connection to your Life Force.’ – See more at: http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/how-to-love-yourself.html#sthash.SrCmwmOz.dpuf

To get to the point of loving ourselves we have to:
1) begin the process of unlearning some of the negative things that we believe about ourselves.
2) Accept that we have a beautiful purpose; we are a unique individuals and therefore and equal and worthy member of THIS space
3) Be KIND to ourselves, say nice things about ourselves and forgive ourselves
4) We have to trust that The Greatest Love of All is indeed loving ourselves, and it is from that space that we contribute to human harmony.
5) We have to know our value and know very well that we are robbing our future and disturbing the balance of life, messing with our destiny by deciding to remain in situations that devalue

OUR DESTINY IS FOUND IN OUR BLISS, WHICH IS WHY NO 2 PERSON’S DESTINY WILL BE EXACTLY THE SAME. WE ALL HAVE A DIFFERENT PURPOSE (DESTINY) WHICH IS FOUND IN DISCERNING WHAT PLEASES US AND STAYING FAR FROM WHAT DOES NOT GIVE US BLISS!

Greatest Love of All, pt 1

I started this blog with the noble intention of sharing my experiences…one my core fundamental beliefs is honesty. I swear that if people were more transparent we would be alot further as humanity…our development is actually retarded when social norms require dishonesty in many ways. I am certainly not positing that I have always been honest, and if you feel like that…let me declare… I am not!

As my life got more interesting my desire to share dwindled…yes I still believe that sharing my experiences may be able to comfort, guide or motivate someone who can identify with what I am going/have gone through. However, sometimes the situations were too real and too painful for me to make sense of, I was sure that I was perhaps making some nutsy mistakes….AGAIN. Feared that after a certain amount of ‘get out of jail free’ cards I was bound to be sent to jail, and this time around, I wont be saved by the bell or some divine intervention that I became forever indebted to the ‘divine’ for.

It is funny how destiny will always find you and nab you in the ass, and when I say destiny, I am unsure exactly what I mean, it could also be Karma or Badluck, Saltness or even Obeah…it could be anything, but it certainly will seem like something abnormal. Many moments of WHAT THA PHUCK!!!??? I have a few of those. First off, I had no intention of falling in love with a man just like the one that broke my mother’s heart – my father. But I did, I ran for years and years hiding under different skirt tails, although I never met anyone like him, I steered clear of anyone potential like him. I ran for years and years until I ran straight into him. Heading down the lonely pained road of my mother’s life. She never stood up for herself, never demanded only accepted. She didn’t believe she deserved much based on her history, the life she was born into…her previous mistakes. She never experienced love, although she had dreams of what it would be like hough she never even loved herself, she never really felt she deserved it, so she never insisted on it.

Thank God my mother made sure to show me what I deserved day in day out and sustainably so. Because of that I can stand up for myself, I can understand what I deserve and what I will not allow. I didn’t plan to fall in love with a man that is like my father, but I did, and I am grateful for the experience because now I understand how to love myself and despite how much you want to direct your own life, learning to love yourself is critical for good growth.